Sleep: 7 broken hours. (three times up)
Symptoms: Pain in pelvis (much milder), ribcage, middle back and neck. Blurry right eye and internal cold and shaking.
Pain pills yesterday: 4
Pain pills so far today: 0
Every day is a lesson in perspective. Occasionally I lose it and join my own pity parade. It's just a fact of chronic pain. I am learning not to be embarrassed by it or dwell too much on my weaknesses... I just use it as a sign that I need a new direction.
After yesterday's post, I realized how low I was. Time to get dressed. Put on some makeup. Make myself look the way I want to feel. Didn't change the pain but it still made me feel more human. Then I woke my husband up and told him the plan. I didn't ask. There was only one option today. I wanted to go to coffee as a family and then take Sky to the park. I hadn't seen the outdoors in over a week and it was non negotiable.
Legs, back and pelvis throbbing and sharply screaming at me the whole time, I went out with my family.
Yes, I was drugged (although you wouldn't know it...pain has a very sobering effect.)
Yes, every other part of me wanted to go back to bed.
Yes, I was exhausted.
Yes.... it was just what I needed.
Sometimes you just gotta pretend.
It was a grey, cold day when we left. It was rumored that it may snow, but it really wasn't showing the signs. But it was dry so it was park weather. As soon as we started out... the flecks started falling. By the time we got coffee and were at the park, it was a full on flurry. Skyler's first. And I was there. We all were. Trevor, Skyler, me, and my pain. But it was still one of the most magical moments of my life.
And it was just the right amount of perspective I needed.
Sometimes when the bleak hits the fan, you just gotta pretend. I am glad I did.
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