Sleep: 8 broken hours. (4 times up)
Symptoms: weakness in arms...pain recedes... finally
Pain pills yesterday: 2
Pain pills so far today:half a percocet...
Ok.. so the saga continues. I haven't posted in a couple days cause I had a nervous breakdown after my rheumatology appointment but I've pulled myself up by my boot straps and am wearily continuing on this absurd journey.
I learned a couple of things this week:
My rheumatologist is an asshole. Yes, an asshole. A big one. He has the bedside manner of an ice cube try.
My Primary Physician is an outmoded doctor with a mean passive aggressive streak. (and that makes him a weakling on top of an asshole). He actually ignored everything I told him... about my wanting a new rheumatologist ( he told me I should stick with him cause it's easier), needing more pain meds(he pretended I didn't ask), and wanting to try some other courses of treatment.... instead I got a lengthy note that ended with:
"you know I'm not avoiding you if I suggest we do most of this by online or telephone as we have done an extensive exam, "know" each other reasonably well now, and most issues with fibromyalgia do not warrant a further physical exam. Of course if you have new symptoms or physical findings we will be happy to see you"
No, I don't "know" that you are not avoiding me... I know you are avoiding me. And how screwed up is this... he'll keep doling out the bare minimum pain pills(pills I want to get off eventually) but as for any further treatment... I can just keep my distance cause my whiny ass ain't getting any better... or less whiny. Just grow a pair and tell me that you don't want to have me as a patient.
There is sooooo much research on this... it's two clicks away on any google search. I have already sent them links and papers that refer to proven treatments and ways of managing pain. But it comes down to fundamental beliefs... They don't think I'm sick. They can't see it... and they don't want to feel stupid. AIDS was the same way. Blame it on the patient. Tell them it's their lifestyle. Tell them it's in their heads. But unlike AIDS... no one's dying so there's no pressure to find a cure. And it's mostly a female disease and we know how hysterical those women can be.
So...
My doctors are fired. Done. Finito.
So I start the journey again. I hired a new rheumatologist with a new appointment on the 20th of December. And come Monday, I shall have a new doctor in Seattle. This all exhausts the hell out of me just thinking about it. It's horrible to be sick and tired and having to fight to be taken seriously. This is not an incurable disease...it's an obstinate group of outmoded idiots who hate not knowing all the answers and are unwilling to keep trying. I'm sorry... is my chronic pain and horrible two page list of symptoms making your day difficult? I'm sooo sorry. Sorry that I make you feel helpless and uncomfortable. How the hell do you think I feel? Doctors get to go home and forget about me. They get to have six figured salaries and enjoy them without pain. I really hate to say it, but I could care less how frustrating this is for them... I'm frustrated. I have to live it 24/7. Hopefully not forever.
I learned a couple of things this week:
My rheumatologist is an asshole. Yes, an asshole. A big one. He has the bedside manner of an ice cube try.
My Primary Physician is an outmoded doctor with a mean passive aggressive streak. (and that makes him a weakling on top of an asshole). He actually ignored everything I told him... about my wanting a new rheumatologist ( he told me I should stick with him cause it's easier), needing more pain meds(he pretended I didn't ask), and wanting to try some other courses of treatment.... instead I got a lengthy note that ended with:
"you know I'm not avoiding you if I suggest we do most of this by online or telephone as we have done an extensive exam, "know" each other reasonably well now, and most issues with fibromyalgia do not warrant a further physical exam. Of course if you have new symptoms or physical findings we will be happy to see you"
No, I don't "know" that you are not avoiding me... I know you are avoiding me. And how screwed up is this... he'll keep doling out the bare minimum pain pills(pills I want to get off eventually) but as for any further treatment... I can just keep my distance cause my whiny ass ain't getting any better... or less whiny. Just grow a pair and tell me that you don't want to have me as a patient.
There is sooooo much research on this... it's two clicks away on any google search. I have already sent them links and papers that refer to proven treatments and ways of managing pain. But it comes down to fundamental beliefs... They don't think I'm sick. They can't see it... and they don't want to feel stupid. AIDS was the same way. Blame it on the patient. Tell them it's their lifestyle. Tell them it's in their heads. But unlike AIDS... no one's dying so there's no pressure to find a cure. And it's mostly a female disease and we know how hysterical those women can be.
So...
My doctors are fired. Done. Finito.
So I start the journey again. I hired a new rheumatologist with a new appointment on the 20th of December. And come Monday, I shall have a new doctor in Seattle. This all exhausts the hell out of me just thinking about it. It's horrible to be sick and tired and having to fight to be taken seriously. This is not an incurable disease...it's an obstinate group of outmoded idiots who hate not knowing all the answers and are unwilling to keep trying. I'm sorry... is my chronic pain and horrible two page list of symptoms making your day difficult? I'm sooo sorry. Sorry that I make you feel helpless and uncomfortable. How the hell do you think I feel? Doctors get to go home and forget about me. They get to have six figured salaries and enjoy them without pain. I really hate to say it, but I could care less how frustrating this is for them... I'm frustrated. I have to live it 24/7. Hopefully not forever.
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