Woke up from fitful sleep at 6:45am.
Gonna be a baaaaaad day.
Neck, back and pelvis pain. Feels like I have a toothache in my lower spine. My wrist is aching and my legs hurt. I feel dizzy from lack of sleep and I'm still getting over a major cold. It's 9 am and I'm already on one percocet. It's going to be a real bad day.
The irony is that I tried falling asleep to thoughts of pain free days. I meditated on feeling better than ever upon waking up. And then this. I am looking for Allen Funt in the closet as we speak (for those of you who are too young to know know Candid Camera... well, get off my lawn kid!)
I start this blog as a way to let it out. Because I need a place to scream at the top of my lungs or I might go crazy. I am in a state of panic and frustration that I don't even know how to process. Is this my life from now on? It was never this bad. Never. Not till 6 months ago. I could fool myself into believing at times that it was just all in my head. Now it's solid... a solid 6 months. And I'm tired. And angry. And.. ow.
If I didn't have so many wonderful things in my life... I don't think I would be sane right now. Even as I fight back tears, I hear my little son stirring on the monitor and can't help but smile. Every day I look at my family and remind myself to breathe. That it could be worse. That I could miss it all.
But I have to admit that sometimes, in the dark, when I'm feeling like a shadow of what I was and aching all over.. I can't say that I don't momentarily... never mind.
I am a friend of Erin's and was diagnosed with Lyme a year ago. I have been sick for two years, and it's just AWFUL. My doctor in Seattle specializes in Lyme and fibromyalgia, and I'd be happy to pass along his information if you are interested. I've written about a lot of my pain on both blogs. There is a letter to Family and Friends you might find particularly helpful: http://www.lifeafterthefire.com/2010/10/letter-to-friends-and-family-lyme.html.
ReplyDeleteFrom someone who understands, I hope this week is a good week.
Thank you Brooke... it's nice to know I'm not alone. I hope your week is wonderful too. I am looking forward to checking out your blog tomorrow... trying to get all this out of my mind on a day like this.
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